Get your FREE faith-based art resources here!
Becoming a Self-Taught Professional Illustrator #2 – When Life Doesn’t Go as Planned… Trusting God in the Redirection
Last updated on July 23rd, 2026 at 09:11 am
In my previous post of this series about my creative journey as a self-taught professional illustrator, I shared how heartbreak, faith, and hidden creativity slowly led me back to making art.
But even after I began creating again… mostly for myself, I didn’t really know what kind of art I wanted to focus on… or if it would ever become something I shared with others.
The years that followed were full of experiments, detours, and little discoveries that shaped the direction I’m headed in today.
Explore the unknown and be led by curiosity.
Between 2020 and 2022, I dived into learning all kinds of art… from making fanart (of K-pop stars, actors/actresses…), to photo studies (of places I’ve been to, screenshots of K-drama and movie scenes), urban sketching when I’m out and about etc… even as I continued sketchnoting sermons. I was exploring everything I was curious about. And I even dreamed of creating a webcomic one day.
It felt refreshing to do something hands-on while studying in a field that wasn’t art-related.
It was an unfamiliar feeling. Of wanting to get better at my craft out of my own will. No one was encouraging me to pursue it at all. Yet, I was so motivated. I was staying up all night just to work on my art through self-study. I took whatever tutorials and courses I could find. I dived into how-to books.
Try what interests you, even if it’s out of practical reasons.
There were many moments I wondered if I should drop out of college to pursue art full-time in another course. Because even when it wasn’t easy, I still loved the creative process. I just wanted to keep creating.
But as much as I enjoyed making art, I also felt pressure… the pressure to find the “right” path… the “right” way to make a living.
Along the way, I took a design detour. I explored graphic design… something I’d always been interested in but never seriously pursued. I read several design books and took courses online.
And eventually found my way to UX design. It felt like a logical next step. A way to stay creative while finding a more “secure” direction.
And since I was finishing college, I thought it might be a practical choice.
I learned a lot about websites, user experience, and all sorts of digital tools. It took me investing almost all of my savings in a UX career accelerator bootcamp in the last semester of college to realize that I wasn’t excited to spend my days thinking about design systems and user flows.
What I loved was the visual side… the colors, the layouts, the creative problem-solving… But that wasn’t enough to make the rest of it feel fulfilling.
So I let that path go.
I didn’t want to rush into something just because it made more sense. I wanted to build something that felt aligned… even if it took longer.
“Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, ‘This is the way; walk in it.’”— Isaiah 30:21
Do the things expected of you (even the things you dislike) and ask yourself how you feel about it.
I ended up taking a day job. Because there were bills to be paid and that was the expected path a college graduate should take. So I left aside the UX portfolio I spent months building.
A part of me thought I was just going to focus on my day job and just treat everything else that interested me as a hobby. And I tried to do that.
I was working in a decent environment with great colleagues. But in my journal entries, I was always writing about how I didn’t enjoy what I was working on. I could see the value in it, and I knew it was something that benefitted the local community and beyond. So it was hard for me to admit this: that as much as my day job was meaningful and impacted the lives of many, it wasn’t fulfilling me. It wasn’t the right fit for my interests and didn’t provide me with the opportunities to hone the skills that matter to me. It was always a struggle to show up and fit in. To tell others when asked that I was happy and excited about what I was doing. I felt so guilty that I was feeling this way. I was given the opportunity that didn’t come by easily – I had to go through rounds of interviews for it. And now it didn’t matter to me? Was I just taking what God had graciously given to me for granted? Was I asking for too much if I wanted my work to be fulfilling?
I remember talking to the Lord every now and then about the things on my heart. I would tell Him that I wanted to do something that I was truly passionate about, and could see myself constantly improving in, not something that I was just supposed to do. I wanted to do something that I would be willing to go the extra mile for, and develop my skills in, for a lifetime.
Don’t just let the days pass by… Find out more about yourself.
As I was carrying all these thoughts and feelings, I sensed the need to find out more about myself. It was time for an honest conversation. I didn’t want to just leave things as they are and ignore my thoughts and feelings (as I used to do back in my high school days). This was a life that was paid with Christ’s sacrifice. Surely He wouldn’t want me to just float by mindlessly. So I set out on a journey to discover this: If I could do anything with no constraints, what did I truly want to do in this life?
While staying grounded in God’s Word, I dived into whatever resource I could find after work hours. Over a span of about 9-10 months, I read up interviews of illustrators and other creatives that I looked up to. I took multiple personality tests, read a ton of books, did all kinds of courses to find some direction…
And I realized some key things about myself.
I’m not against having a day job. I just didn’t want one that doesn’t work for me in the long run.
I’m someone who doesn’t need or want work-life balance. I’m all for work-life integration because I see work as an part of my identity. To me, work and life isn’t separate. I’d like to live life and yet be able to use my experiences for my work. I’d like to work even in moments when I’m living my life. It soon became clear that my current day job wasn’t suited for me.
Even if I couldn’t live out my ideal work-life integration lifestyle yet, I wanted to work towards it. At the very least, beyond the status of being employed, the illusion of a safe and stable job, and having monetary benefits, the day job should propel my growth in my desired field in the long run.
Pursuing my interest requires sacrifice and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to get to where I want to be.
The reality is that I’m not born in a silver spoon. I can’t just drop everything and do what I want.
That meant accepting that I would need to continue in my day job. But I tried to make things work to my benefit. I talked to several other departments in my organization to see if there were roles that would be a better fit. But there weren’t any.
So I accepted that I would continue working in my day job for a period and hone my craft after work. This was to ensure my skillsets have improved, I’ve had more time to think about my situation, and also had sufficient savings before making any leaps. (Also, the thought of leaving my day job was hard for me to accept then… and my family wouldn’t be happy about it either.)
This decision saw me working late into the night, investing in courses and mentors to level up my creative skills. And obviously little to no social life…
But to me, this was the litmus test in determining if becoming an illustrator was what I truly wanted. I knew that I’d almost never be satisfied with where I am and becoming an illustrator would mean a lifelong process of constantly striving for better.
I’m grateful for the day job I have, but I know and expect that God has other plans in store for me.
There’s a time and season for everything. I knew I was thankful for my day job. But perhaps, I had outgrown that season. It had served me well for that period. It was the first time I worked a full time job and earned a living. I found out what it was like doing something meaningful, but not personally fulfilling. The little time I had left after work meant that I had to be focused and prioritize what I wanted to do – it was good training ground to be mindful and present in every moment.
I didn’t have any clear revelation. But somehow I felt that God wouldn’t want me to be unhappy and unfulfilled at work. And that He wouldn’t want to see me just settling.
I’ve been held back by the trap of sunk cost in many life decisions.
It sounds simple to just leave. But it’s not. Even entertaining the thought of leaving felt so wrong.
I spent my whole schooling life believing that I had to do well academically so that I could eventually get a good, stable job. And walking away from it felt like all my years of struggling through my studies were in vain (though of course that’s not true, every experience was necessary in bringing me to where I am right now) . And that I was a failure and disgrace who let my parents down. They had made many sacrifices just to see me through school.
I still wanted to focus on illustration, even if I wasn’t good at it.
Becoming an illustrator was a path I really wanted to avoid. But I needed to be honest with myself.
With the very little time left after my day job, what was I drawn to? And what about the weekends? It was art. I spent almost all of my spare time (even when I was tired and drained after work) on self-study. I had essentially no social life (and had very little sleep). It was something I couldn’t go a day without thinking of. Even going out with my friends or family felt like a chore. I knew this wasn’t the ideal lifestyle but that was how much improving my art skills meant to me.
My faith was important to me and I needed a way to keep that front and center of my life.
I didn’t like spending all my time on honing my craft and how it was taking away my focus from God’s Word.
I wanted to relive those days of sketchnoting sermons.
Eventually, after lots of encouragement from my best friend, I started a new Instagram account to post Christian art. It felt like a small but necessary step.
I’d been sharing little pieces of my faith and creativity before… photos of my Bible study sessions, Christian poetry, cozy café moments.
But starting a new account focused on Christian art felt different and exciting. I’d been wanting to combine my faith and creativity for quite a while. And this was the first time I let myself truly explore that.
I didn’t know what would come of it. I didn’t have a full vision or a grand plan. But I knew starting was the only way to find out. I committed to creating faith-based art as consistently as I could and sharing them on my Instagram account.
“Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him, and He will act.”— Psalm 37:5
Even though those few years were tough, they were essential to my growth.
I didn’t realize how tiring it would be to hone my illustration skills on the side while focusing on something else (be it school or a day job). I felt like I was doing two jobs, with barely enough time to rest. But honestly, I think I wouldn’t have it any other way. I grew up thinking I needed the stability of a day job. And that was like the end goal. So I needed to experience this working life for myself. I had to stop simply accepting what others told me as the truth.
I also discovered that following what others say is a more stable and secure path isn’t necessarily the best thing to do. While UX design was a popular field then, it wasn’t what I was interested in and passionate about. I needed to stay true to myself, even if others disagree with my choices.
“Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin.” — Zechariah 4:10
Thanks for being here. It means more than you know.
— Nicole
I hope you enjoyed this post! In my next post, I share more about my creative journey while having a day job.
